"Marvel's a corporate machine churning out recognizable properties" you might say. Yep, and they're infusing them with great characters and fresh directors. So let's not get into Marvel's brand reach tonight. There's a few other franchises gearing up to give us more in the next couple of years. Recognizable? Quite. Necessary? Fucking NOT quite.
My level of acceptance for each film varies on the scale. Let's count down from Least Repulsed By and work our way up.
1. Toy Story 4
According to CinemaBlend, Tom Hanks and Tim Allen both have reported having difficulty recording their final scenes of dialogue for the upcoming sequel to 2010's incredible Toy Story 3. It's a tearjerker, they say. It's going to be really emotional.
That much is obvious. Toy Story 3 had a depth of emotion and character that I have yet to see from most films. That's also why I'm hesitant to let this film take me for another journey.
Toy Story 3 is one of my favorite films ever. Period. Literally "end of story". Or so I thought. Both Andy and the toys completed their character arcs. Three complete stories, three parts of one larger story, everything in its place, loose ends tied up, feelings tapped into, tears shed, heart full.
"But guys, what about Bo Peep?"
"SHHHHHH shut the fuck up please dude, they'll hear!"
"DID SOMEBODY SAY MONEY- i mean- SEQUELLLLLLLL???
Aaaaaaand kerplop, here we are. We're all the way through a large chunk of production on this movie, which is apparently supposed to be about Woody searching for Bo Peep, who was absent from the last film because honestly there was no room for her character in that plot. But it's suggested that she was sold, donated, or thrown away between the second and third movies, which visibly saddens Woody. (It does make sense that even after the great ending of Toy Story 3, Woody would still be preoccupied with her whereabouts.)
I never thought I'd be so opposed to the production and release of a Toy Story movie, or ANY Pixar movie, at that. I wanted my characters where I left them, my toys where I left them. It's really just as simple as this: It is a perfect trilogy, the characters matured with their audience, and we all moved ahead when it was over. It was beautiful. And now someone is taking a victory lap for more of my money, and ruining a perfect story arc.
Potentially. I also know well enough to believe Hanks and Allen when they say something will be good. I love those guys, I love these characters, and of course I'll be in theaters to see this film, 100%. But I also know that actors will say a lot of things to hype a film up. Sadly, it seems marketing is becoming more and more a part of their jobs. It used to be just an endless press junket, answering soul-sucking buzz questions over and over again for like 12 weeks. But we've been in viral marketing ever since Cloverfield, at the very latest. Now we have puff pieces about "oh this will make you cry". Yeah, well, we'll see, okay? If anyone can pull off a 4th movie, topping their perfect 1, 2, and 3, it's Pixar and Toy Story. But I'm very skeptical.
Toy Story 4 will be out sometime in summer 2019.
2. Bad Boys 3
Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Bad Boys 3, I think it's being called Bad Boys For Life, is officially happening. Martin Lawrence and Will Smith both posted photos and video on their Instagram and Twitter pages yesterday and today, confirming as much.
I'm less excited for this than Toy Story 4, but not by much. I liked the first two films. They were action-packed, sensationalistic entertainment, pure escapism cinema, a whole lot of fun from the charismatic Smith and Lawrence. This is actually a film I've been saying should happen for a long time now.
But now that it's here, I'm not impressed. It's been 15 years since Bad Boys 2, and since 3 is coming out in summer 2020, it will have been 17 years since we last saw these characters. Smith and Lawrence will be in their mid-50s. And here's the haymaker: Michael Bay is not directing.
Now, I don't disagree that 50 year old men can and have had successful comebacks in action films lately. I believe Will Smith in the role, even now. And you may think Bay's absence will elevate the film's much needed maturity level. Probably. Who knows what these detectives are up to in 2020? This could be fun and I'm open to it. But I've been hurt before. I'm still waiting on Wayne's World 3.
3. Frozen 2
Comicbook.com reports that Disney has moved the release date for Frozen 2 UP a week, from November 27th to November 22nd, 2019. Next year.
I didn't even know the shit was coming. I thought I was being effed with. I am, but not by pranksters. By Disney.
Frozen is a terrible film. My thoughts on it are well established. It's just a cookie cutter stencil box of a movie that's designed to appeal to young girls. The story makes ZERO SENSE, JESUS JUST READ THE SCRIPT AND YOU'LL SEE, the songs are okay, and the characters are one-dimensional. It's horribly transparent to me that this is a bad film that most people claim to enjoy. I don't understand it, I can't stand it, and I was at peace with this until I realized that this shit will continue to be a part of my life for another 5 years to come. I'm not allowed to tell my 4 year old daughter that I hate her favorite movie. 2nd favorite, really, she's likes Moana more than this, thank God.
Kristen Bell says she was very involved in the early story process here, and that there's a lot of very personal character beats for Anna that were sourced from her own life, so that's potentially interesting from a character standpoint. But seriously, guys, I need a huge improvement here or I might just have to North Korea this shit from my household.
4. Gladiator 2
YUP. Once again, comicbook.com reports that Gladiator 2 is happening, God help us. We don't know when because Ridley Scott, who is thankfully involved here, is too busy with movies to know when he can get around to making it, which I can only hope is a delay tactic because he too is not excited about this.
The story is apparently supposed to star Lucius, the little boy that Maximus rescues during the film, who is related to the defeated Commodus.
The story is apparently supposed to star Lucius, the little boy that Maximus rescues during the film, who is related to the defeated Commodus.
The reason I hate this more than the other three sequels, yes even more than Frozen 2, is because at least the other 3 films FEATURE THE ORIGINAL FUCKING CHARACTERS. Who actually wants to see a movie, 20+ years later, starring the kid from the last one?? I came for Russell Crowe, not you, you stupid kid. I'd rather watch fatter, deader Triple Maxximus' corpse fight high blood pressure than to watch this new character fight whatever the heck he's fighting. This is a shameless cash grab. This is "Remember Gladiator? Remember how much you liked it? Good, well, here's a shiny NEW MOVIE that features none of the things you liked about the previous film, which was released in theaters before 9/11 even happened." Yeah.
Do you agree with me on any of these upcoming potential crushing disappointments? Let me know!
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